• Nomi Bachar

Become The Best You - 3 Golden Keys To Unlock Your Full Potential | Part 2

In the First Key, we covered the 7 Gates of Power® and the 3 Aspects of the Self.

The Emotional Self, the Defensive Self, and the Expanded Self. These 3 aspects live within each of us, no exemption. The way they relate and dialogue with each other creates our inner environment. As we all know, our inner environment effects our outer environment greatly. Here is an example of what I mean by our inner environment.

Let’s say that your Emotional Self has some fears. You’re Defensive Self, might try very hard to hide these fears from others and possibly even from yourself. Your Defensive Self would criticize your Emotional Self for having the fears and it will do it’s best to repress them. You might find that your inner dialogue goes like so:

Defensive Self to the Emotional Self: “You are such a baby. Get yourself together. Do you really want people to see how frightened you are? People might criticize or reject you for that. Nobody wants to see your fears. We need to put up a good front. You need to look good, professional, and successful. Just stuff it…”

As you can see, this inner dialogue is unhealthy since it is repressive and critical. One aspect is fighting the other in an attempt to “look good” and not reveal any vulnerability. Living within this kind of inner environment reinforces our emotional and spiritual suffering. Hiding vulnerability rather than dealing with it can create depression, tendency to addictions, and a chronic lack of self-worth.

And now, let’s look at the second Key, the Key of “L” – Leadership.

In this example, we don’t see the input of the wisdom self, The Expanded Self. This aspect of you is supposed to be the leader and the guide of the 3. Unfortunately, most people are dominated by their over reactive, overprotective Defensive Self. Their Emotional Self is pining away, burdened by unresolved pain, fear, and insecurity while their Defensive Self rules their life. Not a good way to live.

Yes, we do need some healthy survival skills, but we cannot be fulfilled, loving, or truly successful when we are dominated by a confining and repressive Defensive Self.

This Key, Leadership, points you towards your wisdom self, your Expanded Self.

This aspect of yourself needs to be trained to become the leader of your inner space. Regretfully, many of us are not in touch with this aspect. Even if we are in touch with it here and there (like while meditating), we don’t have the leadership tools to be able to coach and heal the other two aspects.

In my work, I train people to own their Expanded Self and I give them the leadership tools they need to lovingly and firmly re-parent, coach, and heal the other two aspects. I help them establish their Expanded Self as the leader and guide of their life. There is much work to do healing and shifting fear and pain we carry within our Emotional Self on one hand. On the other, there is much work to do with our Defensive Self to help it relax, embrace life, and become a positive protector as opposed to being hyper vigilant, over reactive, anxious, and suspicious.

In order to begin the journey of empowering your Expanded Self and make it the leader of your life, you must first learn it’s voice. You need to find it within yourself, which can be a daunting experience if you don’t know where to start.

Here are a few ways to help you identify the energy and the voice of the Expanded Self:

We all have moments in our lives where we need to be there for a friend, guide a child through an upsetting moment, or console ourselves. The words you say in those moments are from the Expanded Self.

If you ever pray or meditate, the words spoken to yourself is your Expanded Self reaching out.

Once you can identify the voice of the Expanded Self, you can then find it in other moments.

There is one other important Key. Stay tuned! We will expand on it next week.

#3keys #selfcoaching #Mindfulness #leadership #beyourbestself #howtobesuccessful #success #communicating #Committment