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  • Nomi Bachar

Sex, Love, & Abuse



Not even a week ago, The New York Times published an eye-opening article about the allegations against Harvey Weinstein’s sexual exploitation of women he was directly working with. Since then, 29 women (many of whom are famous actresses) have stepped forward with similar stories of Weinstein asking for nude massages or just outright sexually assaulting them.

The issue of sexual assault and abuse provokes fear, anger, hopelessness, disgust, and a surge of assertive action towards addressing this type of behavior.

Needless to say, I as a woman, have experienced all of these feelings and had to, in my life, stand up for myself when confronting this problem.

I’d like to share with you, some of my thoughts and feelings about that.

Somewhere along the way, we lose the ability to just be alive and enjoy our moments and the experience and adventure they provide. Sex is one of these wonderful experiences we receive when we are open to life and willing to be fully alive.

Instead, we use sex to "get" love and collect admiration and attention.

We use it as a relaxation pill, a sleeping aid, a punishing or manipulating strategy, a way of controlling another, etc. The pure pleasure of giving and receiving enjoyment and affection is lost all because we don't truly and deeply accept and love ourselves.

I remember myself as a young, insecure woman collecting admirers and using my sex appeal to get a sense of value. My true appreciation of others and life came about as I was learning to accept and appreciate myself. Only then, did I discover sex and intimate exchange to be an adventure in openness, an experience of freedom and flow, a dialogue of pleasure, energy, and joy.

Osho is one of my favorite spiritual teachers. I would like to share a snippet of his thoughts with you regarding lust and love.

"You become interested in a woman or a man as an object, and sooner or later the interest will be finished because once you have explored the object, nothing is left. Then you are ready to move to somebody else. Yes, the woman looks beautiful, but how long can she be beautiful? An object is an object. She is not yet a person to you; she is just a beautiful object. It is insulting. You are reducing a soul into an object, a subjectivity into an object. You are trying to exploit. You are turning her into a means. Your energy will remain ignorant, and you will go on moving from one woman to another, and your energy will go running in circles. It will never come back home.

Love means you are not interested in the woman or the man as an object.

In fact, you are not there to exploit the other; you are not there to get something from the other. On the contrary, you are so full of energy; you would like to give some energy to the person. Love gives.

And when love gives, it remains subjective, it remains rooted in oneself. Lovers help each other to be more and more themselves. Lovers help each other to become authentically individual. Lovers help each other to be centered. Love is respect, reverence, worship. It is not exploitation. Love is understanding. Because energy is unoccupied with the object, it remains free, untethered to anything. And that brings the transformation. It accumulates inside you." –Osho

To all of us women, let’s be very aware as to how we feel when confronted with this type of behavior.

Let’s not be quiet about it and repress our feelings. We don’t have to be aggressive and attacking, but we definitely need to be assertive, clear, and speak our mind. It directly connects to our sense of respect towards ourselves.

If you’re not doing the work of finding a sense of love and security within yourself, you would find yourself doing abusive things even if the only person you abuse is yourself. You are here to do the work of claiming your wholeness and inner power. Gates of Power® can take you there.

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